The Comprehensive Guide to First Dances
The following post was written by Henry Liverman of Dow Oak Events Wedding DJs.
Choosing the Right Music for Your Wedding’s Big Moments
There are few moments more intimate during a reception than the first dance. After you’ve triumphantly entered as a newly-married couple, guests gather ‘round to see the newlyweds share a dance, and it’s always a big moment in the reception.
While not necessary, first dances have been a part of weddings in the West for centuries. They can be used to embrace a family tradition, showcase your favorite song, or impress guests with those weeks of dance lessons. So choosing the song itself should be easy. Right?
Sometimes, choosing the right first dance music can be more complicated than simply picking your favorite song. We’ve been asked about first dances specifically in the past, so we thought we’d write up a comprehensive wedding first dance guide. Within it, we’ll cover:
Is first dance song selection really that important?
Do I have to do a first dance?
How do I pick my first dance song?
What is the most popular first dance wedding song?
What does the first dance symbolize?
Why Is Wedding Song Selection Important?
We’re often asked questions about song choices. And one of the more common questions we get is “is this song right for me?”
The tough part about that question is that there are several possible answers. Like many (some would argue all) parts of a wedding, it comes down to the couple. What vibe they want, what the aesthetic of the day is, and even what music they like.
One of the more important considerations when crafting a wedding ambiance is the music. Often, it’s the music that sets the tone for the whole day. And it’s the first dance that sets the musical tone for the rest of the celebration. Which makes picking the right song crucial.
Musical Continuity in Wedding Receptions
Picture your reception in your head. It all matches, right? The dresses, ties, flowers, and decor have all been carefully chosen to all work together.
The music should be no different. There are several “big” moments throughout any wedding reception. And every one of those big moments typically has accompanying music.
Imagine how jarring it would be if the music just suddenly stopped. Or if it randomly cut between calming violins and rowdy disco.
Your musical choices aren’t just a list of individual songs. They’re the backdrop to the day as a whole. So it’s worth putting some thought into how they can fit together to become the score for your big day.
So… how do you pick the perfect first dance song?
Do I Have To Do A First Dance?
Strictly speaking, you don’t have to do anything but sign the marriage license.
These days, many couples choose the parts of reception traditions they like and combine them with some of their own personalized flair. While first dances don’t always make the cut, they have become one of the more lasting wedding traditions, with the vast majority of couples performing some kind of first dance.
So how do you know if the first dance is a tradition you want to honor? Sometimes, to know where you’re going, it’s helpful to know where you came from.
Where Do First Dances Even Come From?
Should a couple elect to add a first dance to the itinerary of the big day, they’ll be joining a time-honored tradition.
Some would say that first dances date all the way back to the 1500s. In the days of monarchs and feasts, significant life events would be celebrated with a ball or gala. At a designated moment in the evening, the guest or guests of honor would enter the celebration. And to open up the dance floor, they would share a first dance.
But back in the day, the guests of honor weren’t the only ones dancing. Traditionally, the couple would open up the dance floor, then be joined by the other guests present. Then the couple would make their rounds, sharing dances with guests throughout the night.
A Modern First Dance
These days, however, galas and ballroom dancing aren’t typical fixtures of weddings. While having a choreographed first dance isn’t a dead art, it definitely is less prevalent than even 70 years ago. In fact, only 11% of couples did any choreographing at all. And only 8% actually took dance lessons.
It would seem that couples these days like the first dance, but want a more personalized version. One in two couples reports choosing a song that was personal to them and their relationship for their first dance.
This tells us that for today’s engaged couples, it’s the personal touches that are important. For many, displaying the unique aspects of their personal histories is more important than learning to waltz.
One Crazy Love Photography
How Do I Pick My First Dance Song?
With all this in mind, how do you pick the song that’s right for you?
Adding Those Personal Touches
No matter how traditional the itinerary, every couple adds something of their own to their wedding day. No two people are alike, after all. But the amount of uniqueness in the day comes down to the couple’s preferences.
That is especially true for first dances today. Really it comes down to just how unique you’d want to be.
Search For Inspiration
For the more traditionalists, asking parents or grandparents what songs they cut a rug to and using that for inspiration may be a good strategy. To make it a little more modern, it may be interesting to see if any of your favorite artists have covers of that song.
Or you could take it the opposite direction. Is your wedding more about bucking the stereotypes and doing your own thing? Then the musical world is your oyster. Couples have told stories of just picking songs they liked and making up a dance on the spot. Something like the Ramones or Queen or even the Backstreet Boys can make for good on-the-spot dance routines.
Perhaps you and your beloved are hopeless romantics? Other couples described picking songs that were playing on the radio the first time they kissed, or a love song they passionately sang along to whenever it played. Timeless classics like Whitney Houston or Etta James usually fit this bill nicely.
There are even options for those who would rather blend into the wallpaper. If you shy away from the spotlight and don’t want the first dance to be a spectacle at all, something low-key might be a smart move. There are plenty of options in this department, too.
If It’s Right, It’s Right!
But sometimes, the right first dance song doesn’t have to meet any criteria other than being the right first dance song for you. And hey, if it’s right, it’s right!
A wedding is one of the most personal experiences there is, so don’t be afraid to add some personal touches. If you once heard a song and just knew that it was what you wanted your first dance to be to, then go with it! It’s your big day, and ultimately, it’s up to you. All your guests have come to support you, and they’ll appreciate any song you choose.
What is the Most Popular First Dance Song?
There are several different metrics that can be used to determine the most popular first dance song.
In a survey of over 900 married couples, The Black Tux found the most popular first dance songs by generation. "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers was the song choice of Baby Boomers and Generation X while Millennials favored “All of Me” by John Legend.
Spotify had slightly different data. They report Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” as the top chosen first dance song. “Can’t Help Falling in Love” does make the cut though, appearing at number 15 on Spotify’s list.
Google itself suggests “Amazed” by Lonestar as the top choice (which also appeared as number 10 on Spotify’s list).
Some other contenders usually appearing in the top 15 are “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith, “Your Song” by Elton John, and “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by the King himself, Mr. Elvis Presley.
Sometimes, It’s a Popularity Contest
Some couples prefer to add their own touches to the day and create a totally custom playlist. While others are drawn to more popular and well-known music. And those are both equally valid choices! There’s definitely something to be said about picking all of your own music. But the classics are timeless for a reason.
Another interesting method for choosing songs involves a little more research. We’ve also heard couples say that they found the most popular first dance song from the year they were born and went with that. Picking a song like that can add a little flavor as well as having meaning to the couple themselves.
So if you want to go with a popular song, then go with a popular song! The classics will always be classics.
What Does the First Dance Symbolize?
The first dance in its broadest terms symbolizes a new beginning. It’s the start of a new and exciting chapter in the lives of two families.
Dancing together also requires both parties to be working together. You wouldn’t see a first dance where one person just stands there and the other dances around them. It’s about doing something together and working to create something new.
While there are many, many considerations when it comes to the first dance, the most important part is the partnership. Ultimately, it’s about the couple, their love, and the creation of a new family.
Though it’s easy to get bogged down in the specifics (song choices, dance moves, timeline…) it’s helpful to remember the most important part of the first dance: you and your new spouse celebrating together.
We’ve put together our own Spotify playlist based on recommendations and songs chosen by Barn of Chapel Hill couples!
This blog was written by Henry Liverman with Dow Oak Events, a Greensboro, NC based Wedding DJ company. Dow Oak specializes in creating tailored experiences for every one of its couples. From choosing DJs based on individual music tastes to working directly with each couple to create the perfect playlists, Dow Oak is all about creating memorable celebrations.
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